Civility is the Loving Bridge When Differences "Can't Be Negotiated Out"

Ninety thousand people assembled in a stadium at Glendale, Arizona, last Sunday, September 21, for the memorial service of the slain Christian, conservative activist, Charlie Kirk. Millions more viewed the service via live-stream and television broadcasts. Kirk, the 31-year-old husband and father of two small children, was killed with a single rifle shot while holding an outdoor debate at Utah Valley University, in Orem, Utah. The roommate of the alleged assassin gave authorities a text message exchange where the gunman explained his reason for killing the activist. He wrote: "I had enough of his hatred. Some hate can't be negotiated out." The assassin used an extreme approach to silence debate, which has raised much cultural fear regarding the death of civil discourse in our democracy.

Incivility, while not reaching the murderous level of the event in Utah, occurs in all corners of our culture. Reasonable and reflective interchange is often lacking, everywhere from political town halls to school, corporate, and municipal board meetings, to church business sessions, and even inside our own homes! The event in Utah serves as a catalyst to ask a deeper ethical question: What obligation might there be to practice Christian civility in a deeply divided culture?

Civility is "the quality of being polite, reasonable, and respectful in social interactions, demonstrating restraint and consideration for others." The word has a deep and meaningful history, but the Oxford English Dictionary states that it is only used 1 time for every million written words in the English language. Despite its diminished usage in writings, the virtue has deep cultural roots in all strata of our American society, where freedom of speech is a right. Most Christians know at least intuitively the importance of speaking and behaving politely, but we may not readily recognize the moral obligations embedded in such cultural engagement. It will be helpful for us to isolate an ethical core in situations like these and to apply it in Christlike actions.

We all routinely make unthinking responses, meaning we express immediate, un-reflective moral comments and/or actions that communicate our feelings of indignation or approval. I term such reactions as "default responses," because we often draw upon values-shaping experiences from childhood or longstanding social contexts when making such moral judgments. It rarely occurs to us to challenge our own judgments because they have been sewn into the fabric of our lives. Social media and everyday conversations are awash with such reactionary rhetoric. Prior to the murder of Mr. Kirk, for example, moral venom was leveled against the man with hateful labels like "Nazi," "fascist," and "racist." Political conservatives returned counter-blasts like "Socialist," "woke," and "animals," when denigrating those on the opposite end of the political spectrum.

In all these cases, it is easy to articulate, or even simply “feel,” that some wrong has occurred. Each statement reflects an ethical intersection between the character and actions of individuals and deeply held personal notions like justice, fairness, truthfulness, or rightness. Contemporary Christians also often find it difficult to formulate and voice Christlike moral judgments that are grounded in the Scriptures without robbing the dignity of others. Candidly, moral issues are rarely clear-cut and are often inflamed, so one may indeed wonder how we can begin to practice civility in our engagements with others.

Commit to the use of sound judgment (Proverbs 1:7; 3:21; John 7:24). To use sound judgment is to speak of a core virtue. The term "Virtue" referred to excellence of any kind in Ancient Greece. It enabled a person to make sound judgments based on personal experience. Temperance was prized among the Greeks because it aided sound judgment. Wisdom (prudence) was also highly valued. A wise person would be able to differentiate between right and wrong. Christians know, however, that the Scriptures are the wellspring of true wisdom, and God speaks through them to train us in making good decisions (Proverbs 1:1-7).

Assessing the rightness or wrongness of character and actions requires great care. First, we search for Scriptural rules/principles to illuminate the situation and to guide our responses. Proverbs 12:18 instructs: “There is one who speaks rashly like the thrust of a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.” Then, we look for a similar Biblical event, like Jesus’ refusal to insult others, to apply to our contemporary situations. Analyzing and applying Biblical norms & examples in this way will guide us toward making better moral judgments and expressing them with greater civility.

Choose godly mentors. The Ancient Greeks in Paul's day believed that moral education from the experiences of wise mentors assisted a person in acquiring wisdom. This wisdom was vital to living well. Kindly, the first step toward civility begins with whom we choose to be our mentors! Social media is filled with people who are heralding their "worldly wisdom," which many times leads to poor judgment and poorer decisions. Divisions and party strife often emerge from such worldly decision-making (cf. 1 Corinthians 3:4-6).

Therefore, the Apostle Paul knew the key importance of imitating God's example of excellence (Ephesians 5:1-2, 15-16). He turned the focus of the Corinthian church to the higher call to virtue by emphasizing the truth that God is the wellspring of all virtue. He clearly established God as the primary "Mentor." God’s example provides the incentive for Jesus’ disciples to be (genēsthe, more likely “become”) sons of their Father (Matthew 5:45).

Pursue the supreme Christian virtue of love. The Corinthian Hellenists prized wisdom as the supreme virtue (cf. 1 Corinthians 1:17-20). Paul, knowing this fact, asked key questions of the Corinthian church: "Where is the debater of this age? Has not God made foolish the wisdom of the world?" (1 Corinthians 1:20). He reminded them that God, who is supreme love, expects them to practice the same (1 John 4:7-8). He instructed them in the more excellent way of love (1 Corinthians 12:31b-13:13). Virtue? Yes, but excellence in Christian love was to fuel both being and action (cf. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7a, 13)!

Genuinely love our neighbor. Expressing the virtue of God's love, which is the wellspring of Christian civility, has become quite a challenge in our hate-filled culture (see 1 John 3:11-12; Cf. Matthew 5:21-26)! [1] God, however, does not leave us helpless in this regard. We may share this kind of love, because it is already in our spiritual DNA; a part of the “new life” we received when we were saved (see John 13:34-35; Galatians 5:22; 1 John 1:7-14). Therefore, we are to love all humankind as inherently valuable persons (Genesis 1:26-27).

This call to love is not a new mandate. Recall the higher love Jesus calls us to exhibit in Matthew 5:43-48. The Lord closes the paragraph in verse 48 with the command to be "perfect," as our heavenly Father is perfect. “Perfect” is better translated as “mature, whole” (i.e., loving without limits). Jesus does not aim to frustrate us with an unachievable ideal. Instead, he challenges us to grow in obedience to God’s will—to become more like him.” [2]

F. F. Bruce, a premier New Testament scholar, once wrote, “God bestows His blessing without discrimination. The followers of Jesus are children of God, and they should manifest the family likeness by doing good to all, even to those who deserve the opposite" (italics mine; see Romans 5:8). The foundation for everything that is good, and right, is the Heavenly Father. This truth is the best ethic.

These Divine characteristics are stated in Exodus 34:6—merciful, gracious, slow to anger, abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness. Each of these virtues was perfectly evident in the Father’s character and actions toward His creation. Our Heavenly Father expects the same civility from us, His children.

May God bless you and keep you,
Larry C. Ashlock

Notes:

1. The issue of civility in the face of violence is highly nuanced and requires a careful analysis that is outside the scope of this article. However, see Willard Swartley, Ed., The Love of Enemy and Nonretaliation in the New Testament, Westminster/John Knox Press, 1992.

See Walter Wink, "Neither Passivity nor Violence: Jesus' Third Way (Matt. 5:38-42 par.),” in the same source. Wink writes, "It is all very well for those of us who are used to receiving justice to surrender it voluntarily, because we are normally treated fairly. . .But to ask the poor and powerless to acquiesce in injustice when that is all they have ever known is itself an act of complicity in injustice" (p. 103).

2. Blomberg, Matthew, vol. 22, The New American Commentary, 115.